


Unlikely Affection

by LukaTheSelkie



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: As does America, M/M, Sweden shows up for a few moments
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 15:33:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29456046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LukaTheSelkie/pseuds/LukaTheSelkie
Summary: This is a Valentine's Day thing I'm writing! It focuses on the growing relationship between Fika (my OC) and Germany when they're paired through a Valentine gift exchange America decides to do. They have a month of getting to know each other before Valentine's Day, and the exchange. Will feelings grow between them, or will they only become friends from the trust formed during that month? (Sensitive content. I tried to mark as much as I could, but please tell me if I missed something! Germany has a written accent because of trauma I have with the character. I can’t write him without it.)
Relationships: OC/Germany (Hetalia)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sensory Overload. Grudge that dissolves. (The grudge stems from Alrik being jealous of Ludwig for being so close to Feliciano. So he takes it out on him.)
> 
> Germany has a written accent because of trauma I have with the character. I can’t write him without it.

Alfred bounces on the balls of his feet excitedly. He’s  _ finally  _ able to do what he’s been planning for nearly a month; a Valentine’s Day exchange! He split the personifications up into two groups, making sure to include himself. (He only made that mistake once.) Now, he holds out a hat filled with slips of paper to one of the groups. Each has a name on it. Once they’re done drawing, everyone is supposed to find their “partner” and talk.

This is where Ludwig has an issue. Not everyone gets along. But upon bringing his concern up, Alfred replies with a merry, “This is about getting to know each other! Two people that don’t get along might just have a misunderstanding between them. If it becomes a true issue, I’ll decide what to do.” If it weren’t for those words about a misunderstanding, he would have immediately asked Alfred for a different person.

Ludwig sighs heavily, lifts his head confidently, and steps toward the person he wanted to get the  _ least. _ “Fika.” The conversation the man is having with his younger brother, Stockholm Syndrome, fizzles out. He turns a harsh glare on the German, crossing his arms over his chest.

“What do you want?” His stance becomes defensive. Ludwig finds himself wondering if he’s always held himself like this around him.

“Ve are to be partnered for zis.” He holds up the slip of paper with  _ Fika; Alrik _ written on it. Stockholm Syndrome is pulled aside by South Italy, who must be his pair. “I vould like to take zis seriously. Do jou zink ve can agree on a momentary truce?” Alrik’s stance relaxes the tiniest bit.

“I would like to take this seriously as well.” He lifts his head up more, likely to look him in the eye. The ring tied to a ribbon around his neck catches Ludwig’s attention. He’s always wearing it, and he gets defensive if anyone asks about it. What’s the significance of it? It has to be important, for him to go from smiling and laughing to reserved just from the mention of it. “Which means Feliciano stays out of our conversations, no matter what.” Ludwig’s brows furrow.

“Feliciano? Vhy vould he need to stay out of our conversations?” Alrik tenses up, then shakes his head. “Nein. I vant to know. I feel like I  _ need _ to know.” The man sighs heavily.

“You probably do. But that doesn’t make it easy to say.” He grimaces. “I’ve had feelings for him longer than you’ve been around as Germany. And yet, he’s closer to you than he is me. No matter how hard I try to get close to him, it’s…  _ I’m _ never enough. It’s infuriating.” Ludwig frowns slightly. He never meant to be a barrier. It makes sense why Alrik seems to hate him now.

“I ne-”

“Shut up! I know already! I  _ know _ you’re not trying to. And that makes it even  _ worse. _ Because it means I have no chance with him. He loves muscles and schedules and emotional control. I won’t ever have that. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to prove I’m someone worth loving, it won’t do anything. Not for Feli. Not for me.” Alrik squeezes his eyes shut tightly, trying not to let the tears fall. Ludwig wants to console him, tell him he’s not unlovable, but considering their history, he decides on something else.

“Feliciano doesn’t like zose zings. I zought he did, once. He gave me red roses for Valentine’s Day. Do jou know vhat red roses mean?” A small nod. “It’s taken very seriously in Germany. I zought it vas a confession. I vas very,  _ very _ vrong. I don’t know what Feli likes in a romantic partner. But it’s not me. I learned zat ze embarrassing vay. So please, don’t zink ve’re togezer. Ve aren’t. And any romantic feelings I may have had for him are gone. I’m not jour enemy. But I vill be an ally.” Alrik’s eyes open slowly. Ludwig is a bit surprised to see dejection in his gaze.

“Nej. It’s pointless to chase after him. I’ve been questioning myself on that for a few years. Trying to force love isn’t the way to go. I’ve seen how that turns out. I don’t want to hurt anyone, especially not Feliciano. I love him, and that’s why I need to let him choose. It’s become apparent his choice isn’t me. And now I know it’s not you either. Our truce is no longer temporary, at least on my part. I’m  _ tired _ , and I’m sorry _. _ ” He sinks into a nearby chair, dropping his head into his hands. Ludwig pulls a chair across from him, and sets in it with purpose.

“Fika,” Alrik flinches at the formality, but doesn’t move after that. “I’ve never seen jou give up on  _ anyzing. _ Vhy start now?”

“Those other things didn’t require unwilling people,  **Lud** _ wig. _ ” He says the name tauntingly. He probably deserves that.

“I’ll admit, zat vas insensitive of me to say. I know jou care about ozer people. Often more zan jourself.” Alrik pulls his knees up and hugs them tightly to his chest. “I can see I struck a nerve.” Silence. Ludwig sighs quietly. “I’ll help jou voo Feliciano. But zat von’t help if jou don’t zink jou’re vorth being loved. Vork on zat, zen come find me.” Ludwig stands to leave him alone, but he reaches out and grabs at his coat. He yanks his hand away the moment his fingers touch the fabric, and starts rubbing his hand on his pants frantically. “Fika?”

“Go away! Now! Please!” He sounds so desperate, it gives Ludwig pause. He stares at the sleeve that caused this reaction, wondering if he should remove his coat and search it for something poisonous. Before he can, Stockholm Syndrome breaks away from Lovino.

“Your fur, Rikky. Get it.” Alrik reaches into his pocket and tugs out a square of something. “Good. Now hold it.” He nods, and grips it tightly in a fist. “Good. Focus on the fur. It feels nice, right?” A nod. “Ja. Nice, soft fur. Pleasant. Breathe, Rikky. In for ten seconds, out for thirty.” Ludwig watches in awe as he talks Alrik through a few breathing exercises. When he’s finally calmed down, he puts the fur back into his pocket and wipes at the tears on his cheeks.

“Tack Berty. Jag älskar dig.”

“Jag älskar dig med.” He nuzzles his nose in Alrik’s hair, kisses his forehead, then returns to his conversation with Lovino without missing a beat. Ludwig’s eyes dart between the two in confusion.

“You don’t know.” It’s not a question. “But you should know. It’s very possible you might get something for this Valentine exchange that sets it off again.”

“‘Sets it off’?” Alrik takes a deep breath in, holds it for a solid ten seconds, then releases it all at once.

“Not with so many people nearby.” He motions for Ludwig to follow, then walks out of the meeting room. He doesn’t stop until they can no longer hear the chatter of the excited personifications. “What you just saw was because of my Touch Sensory Overload. Certain textures… They don’t agree with my brain. I can feel them for awhile after I’ve released them, no matter how short the encounter was, and the only way to get rid of it is to touch a different texture for a minimum of five minutes. The longer I’m touching the texture that agrees with me, the better. That’s where this,” he pulls out the square from before. “Comes into play. It’s faux fur yarn, crocheted into a swatch I carry with me for that specific sensory issue. I have two others, but they’re harder and easier to avoid, respectively.” Ludwig glances down at his coat. “Ja. It was the fabric. There’s nothing bad inside.” He closes his eyes and rubs his temples, fur still in hand. “I hate that you of all people know this.”

“Jou still dislike me?”

“Of course I do. I can’t just change years and years of resentment in a few minutes. Berty could though. He’s such a better person than I am.” Alrik’s eyes soften considerably while he’s talking about his brother. He’s seen the same look in Gilbert’s eyes.

“Jou keep putting jourself down. Vhy?” Alrik blinks at him. Then again. And again.

“Why? Because the world has decided to shit on me my entire existence.” He snarls. “And  _ you _ don’t get the  _ privilege _ of knowing how.” He turns his back on him. “I knew this stupid exchange was a bad idea. I’ll get us different partners, don’t worry.”

“ **_Alrik._ ** ” The man freezes. Ludwig feels guilt pool in his stomach at the realization it’s out of fear, but he continues on. “Be sensible. From vhat I can tell, jou don’t like us knowing jou have Sensory Overload. Vhy risk having to tell someone else vhen jou just told me? Isn’t zat exhausting?” He stays there for a minute. Then two. Then three. By the fifth minute Ludwig is starting to wonder if he should speak again, when Alrik beats him to it.

“You’re right. I hate it, but you’re right. Please don’t tell anyone about it. And don’t you dare treat me any differently! I hate people making a big deal out of it, then treating me like… like…”

“Jou’re lesser?”

“How do you know that?” He snaps.

“It’s happened to me. Granted not zrough ze same circumstances, but I’ve been treated like zat. I still am, sometimes.” A few expressions cross Alrik’s face, but they flit by so fast Ludwig can’t discern any of them. “I can’t promise I von’t accommodate jou, but I can promise I von’t treat jou like zat.”

“...That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” It’s so quiet, Ludwig has to strain to hear it. But he does, and it causes him to smile bitterly.

“Ve’re not zat different, Fika.” He flinches again. “Vhat’s vith zat reaction? Jou did it earlier too.”

“It’s something I’m not used to. Berwald and Mathias and Lukas and Tino and Emil all call me Alrik. Berty calls me Rikky. I don’t get addressed as what I personify very often. It is weird and awkward.”

“I understand. My apologies. May I call jou by jour name?”

“Ja. Please do.” He sounds exhausted. Looks it, too. “Thank goodness we’re in Sweden. Come with me.” He leaves the building, Ludwig trailing behind him. They take public transport in silence. When an hour has passed, the German starts feeling uncomfortable.

“Vhere, exactly, are ve going?”

“Home. I don’t know the list of textures I’m able to touch, but I do know they’re all in my room. You can touch all but one thing, and one drawer. That thing is a knit blanket on my bed Berty made me, and the drawer is the bottom right one on my dresser. Don’t forget. I won’t repeat it.” Ludwig commits the things he’s not allowed to touch to memory. He goes over them repeatedly in his head, having nothing better to do.

~

Alrik’s room isn’t what Ludwig was expecting. Besides the furniture being short, it’s cluttered but tidy. There’s something on almost every surface, but it’s all organized and straight. The Swede grabs some clothes laid out on his bed, walks into the ensuite, and closes the door behind him. Ludwig takes the opportunity to look closely at the crocheted stuffed animals and plants on his dresser. Each one is different, and coloured realistically. The largest of them is roughly the size of his head, and incomplete. It’s a lion. “That one’s for Berty.” Ludwig straightens up, turning his attention back to Alrik. He’s wearing light blue pajama shorts with a bee pattern on them, a matching mid-sleeve button up, and light blue knee-high socks. Well, he thinks they’re meant to be knee-highs, but his legs are so short they’re more like thigh-highs.

“Zey are all very lovely. Did jou make zem?”

“Mmhmm. I have half a drawer’s worth of scarves, but they’re in my closet. Lots of my long sleeved shirts I made. Most of the few dresses I have I made. Berwald has a trunk full of blankets, too. And… Tack.” He looks away, crawling onto the bed. He throws a knitted blanket over himself, and lays on top of the duvet under it. He scoops up an armful of stuffed animals, and hugs them tightly to his chest. “Remember; don’t touch this blanket, or the bottom right drawer in my dresser. Everything else is fine. If you want to know what something is made of but it doesn’t say, I should be able to tell you.” He sinks further into the comfort of his bed, watching Ludwig. The German stares at him for a moment, wondering why he repeated what he can’t touch despite saying he wouldn’t, then cautiously picks up one of the crochet animals. It’s an elephant, with its trunk curled over its head. It’s about the length of his hand, and much softer than it looks.

“Vhat yarn did jou use for zis elephant?” He hears shifting behind him.

“It’s mostly Viscose. Most of those are a majority Viscose and minority something else. I really love how soft and silky it is. Berty’s is a cotton and polyester mix. Some are faux fur yarn, whatever’s in that. I think my very first ones are wool. Kiku taught me amigurumi in the 1920’s.”

“So some of zese are close to a century old?”

“None of the ones on my dresser. Any older than ten years or so I place in a sealed container so they don’t degrade as much.”

“Ah. Zat makes sense.” Ludwig moves over to the closet, where there’s dresses, skirts, and fancy shirts. As Alrik said, there’s very few dresses, and most of them are either knit or crocheted. Two similar, vintage ones catch his eye, and he gently takes hold of the light brown one. It’s a simple, waist-fitted short-sleeved dress with a loose, darker brown tie around the sinch. Buttons go all the way down, there’s a solid strip of fabric on the shoulders, and the collar is reinforced. He’s not quite sure what material it is, and he can’t see a tag explaining it. Maybe there will be one in the other? It’s the same shape, light purple with a double sided, slightly darker colour on one side and the same on the other tie, buttons down the front, a sewn square around the collar to the seam on the shoulders, folded frills in the chest area, and a reinforced collar with a simple, boxed pattern sewn around it. They both look very American Vintage. While looking for a tag in the purple one, he finds one identifying it as U.S.A. made, but no fabric type.

“Vhat are zese vintage dresses made of?” No response. He furrows his brows, and turns back to the bed. Alrik’s eyes are closed, and his breathing is even. Ludwig shakes his head, releasing the dress in his hand. “How can jou fall asleep vith someone in jour room? Especially me?” He walks over to the bed and sits on the edge, being careful not to touch the blanket covering him. “Alrik. Vake up.” He has pretty, long eyelashes. His hair is a unique, beautiful colour as well. Why hasn’t Ludwig noticed these features before? He’s been  _ closer _ to the man than this. He’s almost afraid to look at his mouth. He bites his bottom lip quite often, which means it’s usually swollen. Ludwig sighs heavily. He’s been pent up for too long, hasn’t he? “Alrik.” He shakes his shoulder, but he still doesn’t wake up. He tries for a few more minutes to wake him, but eventually gives up when it becomes apparent nothing will work.

“Jou’re too trusting.” He stands, going back to the closet in search of other fabric types. He already has a few ideas in mind for the Valentine exchange. Definitely some yarn, probably a skirt, maybe some pants. Ludwig furrows his brows. Don’t most people usually wear leggings under skirts? He’s never seen Alrik do that. It’s only ever been pants. Maybe the texture doesn’t agree with him? That’s probably it. Leggings are made of a strange material.

“Rikky, Rikky!” Albert bursts into the room, speaking the loudest Ludwig’s ever heard from him. Not that it’s loud, per say. It’s only a normal volume, perhaps a bit less. The moment he sees the German, his voice drops back to a quiet whisper. “Sorry. I didn’t realize du came back with him. I’ll leave.”

“Vait. He fell asleep and I can’t vake him. Can jou answer a few questions for me?” Albert looks apprehensive for a moment, then nods. “Danke. Does he not wear leggings? Do jou know vhat type of fabric zese vintage dresses are made of?” Albert waits a moment to see if he has any more questions before answering.

“Nej, he doesn’t wear leggings. He can’t even touch them without going into sensory overload. And I don’t know about the dresses. America gave them to him. I do know they’re from the 1960’s through 1970’s. Du might be able to figure out what women’s clothing was commonly made of then.” He walks over to the dresser and opens the bottom left drawer. “These are all he has to wear under his skirts. It’s difficult to find patterned pants, but it’s especially difficult for him because of his size.” Ludwig glances at the bed. “Nej, not  _ that _ size. His height. He wears petite clothes. Which are very hard to find in men’s, so it’s lucky he likes feminine clothes. But they’re still not that accessible.” Albert grimaces, thinking about how easy it is for him to find clothes, despite not being nearly as fashionable as his brother. “Of course the one of us that doesn’t care about anything besides length has it easy finding clothes.” This peaks Ludwig’s curiosity.

“Vould jou trade heights vith him if jou could?”

“In a heartbeat. I wear long sleeves and pants out, and loose short sleeve shirts and capris around family. That’s much easier to find or improvise for his height.”

“Jou vear clothes zat don’t cover as much of jou as possible around family?” Albert rolls his eyes.

“Why wouldn’t I? I know them. Part of… what I personify... requires not knowing each other well.” His expression drops into sorrow.

“I didn’t mean to bring up ze pain.” Through the years, Ludwig has learned Albert is sensitive to being reminded of what he personifies. It always makes him sad to recall how many people Stockholm Syndrome has affected and will affect. “Vhat vere jou so excited about vhen jou came in? If jou don’t mind telling me.”

“Oh! That.” He bows his head, cheeks turning red. “I’d like to tell Rikky first, if that’s okay? But I don’t mind du knowing after.” He furrows his brows. “If North Italy doesn’t tell first.”

“Feliciano? Why would he tell?”

“It has something to do with his brother.” A tiny smile plays across Albert’s lips. Ludwig has a feeling he knows what happened, but he decides to keep it to himself. “Ah, while I’m thinking about it, don’t remove Rikky’s necklace. Just watch him, please. Make sure it doesn’t start to… hurt him. He’s fallen asleep with it on before and nothing happened, but I’d rather be safe than sorry. He doesn’t need a scar there too.”

“Too? As in ‘as well’?” Albert’s face contorts into a pained expression.

“Du weren't supposed to know that.” Ludwig frowns deeply.

“It seems like I’m not supposed to know much.”

“Rikky is very private about his conditions. He doesn’t like people knowing unless they need to. Du don’t need to know the locations of his scars. Du don’t even need to know they exist.”

“One’s on his arm somevhere.” Albert scrunches up his nose in distaste. “It makes sense as to vhy he’s alvays vearing three quarter or longer sleeves, even in varmer places.”

“What don’t du understand about du not needing to know they exist?”

“I vant to know more about him. And I don’t think he’ll tell me.” Albert sighs heavily.

“I’m not going to break his trust. But I will say if du can get him knitting after a drink or two, he will be much more open about himself. Knitting alone does it, but he’s still a bit guarded. The drinks are to make him comfortable. Too much will make him  _ show _ his scars. Too little will keep him guarded. Good luck, and good day.” He leaves the room in a rush. Ludwig turns his attention to the man on the bed and sighs. Too little to drink and he’ll stay guarded, but too much and he’ll presumably remove his clothes? This is going to be difficult. But, until Alrik wakes up, he might as well continue finding inspiration around the room.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drinking. Past character death. Sensory Overload. ADHD.
> 
> Germany has a written accent because of trauma I have with the character. I can’t write him without it.

Ludwig is knee deep in yarn when Alrik wakes up. And that’s not an exaggeration; he keeps a huge container full of it in the top part of his closet. The German doesn’t know how he puts it up there and pulls it down, but he’s not going to question it. Alrik is anything but weak. Ludwig has been pulling yarn out for an hour, looking at the percentages of material used for each one. They all have the paper around them, even if they’ve been used. He’s very thankful for that. “What are you doing?” Comes a sleepy voice behind him. He turns to look at Alrik, then flushes when he realizes what a mess he’s made.

“I vas taking note of jour favourite types of yarn, and zeir materials. Jou don’t like acrylic very much, do jou?” Alrik shakes his head slowly, then rubs at his eyes.

“I don’t. It’s not that it bothers me, but there’s much softer yarn to be had. It’s more expensive sometimes, but it’s worth it to me. If I’m going to make something to wear or cuddle, I want it to be soft.” Ludwig nods, starting to place the yarn back into the container.

“Zat makes sense. Everyone is a fan of soft zings. If zey say zey aren’t, I’m convinced zey’re lying.” Alrik laughs quietly.

“As am I.” He brushes his hair back behind his ears, then starts helping put away the yarn. Ludwig notices he’s biting his bottom lip. What’s he keeping in? He’s only ever seen him do that to keep himself from saying something. They’re almost done cleaning up the yarn when he practically bursts. “Why are you being so nice to me?”

“Vhat?” Ludwig is taken aback.

“I’ve been nothing but rude to you for  _ years _ . Does a simple, unspecified, ‘I’m sorry’ really go that far?” He shakes his head in response.

“It’s not just zat, Alrik. Jou opened up enough zat I know more about jou zan most people do. Zat means trust to me. Trust is more important zan an apology. It shows jou truly meant it, and it vasn't just vords. Vords are easy; actions are more difficult.”

“Certain actions,” the Swede mumbles. Then, louder, “We agree that trust means more than words. But I wouldn’t consider telling you something so I don’t go into sensory overload if you get the wrong thing ‘trust.’”

“Maybe not. But jou fell asleep vith me in jour room. If jou didn’t trust me, jou vouldn’t have done zat.” Alrik purses his lips.

“Fine. You’re right. I trust you.  _ Some _ . But only because we’re both… Only because Feli isn’t…” He sighs. “That’s harder to say than I would like it to be. I don’t  _ want _ to be heartbroken again. If I don’t admit to myself he’s not interested, it’s not true.”

“Zat’s not how zat vorks.” Alrik’s shoulders drop.

“I know.” He squeezes his eyes shut tightly. “I just… I don’t want to give up on him yet. But I also do. It’s hard to put together! I love him, and I want to be with him, but I want him to be happy. Even if that’s not… Even if that means we aren’t together. And I want to move on from him, because I don’t want to inadvertently be causing uncertainty for someone that might love him and he could love back. But it’s hard. It’s so hard to stop loving someone. I just want the ability to stop it.”

“Jou’re looking at zings vrong. Jou don’t have to stop loving someone to move on.” Alrik’s eyes open, and he blinks away his tears. “Jou can still love someone, even if jou aren’t vith zem. And sometimes zat romantic love changes to platonic love. Sometimes it doesn’t. If jou truly love zem, jou’ll be happy to see zem happy. It may hurt, but knowing zey’re happy is vorth it, don’t jou zink?” Alrik sniffs, nods, then wipes at his eyes.

“J-ja. I’d rather watch someone I love romantically be happy with another than miserable with me. Even if it hurts. Because their happiness will bring me more happiness than pain. That’s what love is.” He gives a small, shy smile. “You’re right. I don’t have to fall out of love with him to move on. But I should stop pursuing him. That’s the first step.” He lets out a long, exhausted sigh. “That’s going to be sooooo easy.” His voice is laced with sarcasm. Ludwig sees an opportunity and takes it.

“Jou don’t have to start now. Vhy don’t jou have a drink to ease jour mind?”

“Mmm. That’s a good idea. Tack. I’ll be right back.” Alrik practically skips out of the room. Ludwig furrows his brows slightly, then sits on the bed. He’s cautious not to touch the blanket Albert made as he reaches for one of the stuffed animals the Swede fell asleep with. It’s a furry, cream coloured rabbit, crocheted with such a tight stitch he thought it was fabric before the closer look. It’s obviously well-loved, but made to last. “I see you found CinnaBun’s likeness. Isn’t he beautiful?” Alrik sits next to him, placing his hands on the stuffed animal. Ludwig pretends he can’t smell the coffee and cinnamon scent coming off him. “Would you like to meet the actual CinnaBun? I’m sure he’d love you!” He hops up and runs out of the room.

Ludwig glances at the nightstand, where a reusable plastic cup and a glass sit next to a bottle of Absolut Vodka. The cup must be for Alrik, so he doesn’t break anything. He has a tendency to get distracted. There’s probably been times he’s forgotten he’s holding something and he’s dropped it. Actually, why does he get distracted like that? “Here he is!” Alrik returns, cradling a large, shimmery, cream-coloured rabbit in his arms. “He’s gotten bigger since I made that. He’s a Crème D’Argent rabbit. He’s a house-roaming rabbit! Say hi CinnaBun.” Alrik lifts his paw up carefully then drops it, mimicking a wave. “Hi Ludwig.” Alrik alters his voice to be lower pitched. “Be gentle with my best friend, okay? He may seem tough, but he’s really delicate inside.”

“Jou’re opening up to me more.”

“Nej, this is CinnaBun speaking. Not Alrik.” Ludwig laughs.

“Jou’re cute, CinnaBun. And I’m glad to see jou standing up for jour friend. Do jou mind if I speak to him again?” Alrik hugs the rabbit gently, then replies in his normal voice.

“I suppose you can. But it’ll cost you. CinnaBun loves kisses. Will you kiss him on the head?” The rabbit perks up at the mention of a kiss. Ludwig leans in and gives him a kiss on top of the head. Alrik beams brightly, then kisses the same spot. Ludwig flushes crimson at the indirect kiss, though Alrik doesn’t seem bothered by it as he places CinnaBun carefully on the ground. “Bye bye baby! Jag älskar dig!” He blows kisses after the rabbit as he hops out of the room. Once he’s gone, Alrik’s attention turns to the vodka. “He really likes you,” he comments as he opens the bottle and pours some into both cups. He hands the glass to Ludwig, then grips the plastic cup between his hands. He immediately starts sipping on it like it’s juice. “Do you want something to mix it with? Berty, Berwald, and I like drinking it without anything, but I know not everyone has the same taste as us.”

“I don’t mind zis.” Ludwig takes a drink from the glass. Alrik sits on the bed, tucking his feet underneath him. He finishes off his cup of vodka within minutes, then pours himself another. Ludwig stares at him. “I misjudged jou. From jour size, I zought jou vould be a lightveight. I’m probably more of one zan jou zough.”

“More than likely. German beer is low in alcohol content, right? Swedes love  brännvin, and vodka is the highest grade.”   
“Br…?”

“Burn-wine.” Alrik tilts his head back and falls into the pillows resting against the headboard. “It’s nice to get my mind off of things. Tack for referring a drink.”

“Jou are velcome. Danke for giving me some.”

“Hmm? Ja, of course. You’re a guest. I can’t just get something and not at least ask if you want any. Speaking of! I made some cinnamon buns this morning. Would you like one? Or five. I always make entirely too many.”

“Zat sounds delightful.” Alrik grins, slips off the bed and runs out of the room again, forgetting to put his cup down. He returns a few moments later, a plate full of cinnamon buns in one hand, and his cup in the other. He places the plate on the nightstand, then jumps on the bed. Ludwig fears his drink might spill, but upon further inspection, it’s empty. “Jou should slow down vith zose drinks.”

“I’ve not had enough. I’m still thinking about Feli.” He reaches for the bottle. Ludwig clears his throat.

“Alrik. Is it really vise to get drunk vith me around?”

“I won’t get drunk. Just a bit tipsy. And even if I did get drunk, it’s not like you’d try anything. And you’d keep me from doing anything. You’re responsible. I can recognize that, even if we haven’t always been on the best terms.” He picks up a cinnamon bun, and bites into it. “Mmm! Yummy!” He laughs, taking another bite. Curious, Ludwig grabs one as well, carefully biting into it.

“Zese are gut.” Alrik lights up excitedly.

“Tack! I’ve had the recipe for almost a century! Berwald and I perfected it together. We had so much fun with it. I remember-” He falls silent, bowing his head.

“Nein. Continue, please. I like seeing jour eyes light up.”

“D-don’t say things like that. Please.”

“Vhy not?” Alrik pours another cup, and drinks half of it before responding.

“It reminds me of someone that is… was very important to me.” The sorrow in his voice stabs Ludwig in the heart.

“Vas?” Alrik places the cinnamon bun down then laces his fingers together around his cup, staring down into it.

“Someone I used to love. Still do. Even with my feelings for Feliciano. He’s someone I’ll never stop loving.” Alrik blinks a few times, tears gathering in his eyelashes. Ludwig watches him for a long moment, then speaks when he’s certain the Swede has nothing else to say.

“Judging by jour vording, he’s no longer alive, is he?” Alrik shakes his head. “I’m sorry for jour loss.” He takes a deep breath, then sighs heavily and loudly.

“Tack for your sympathy. But it was a long time ago.” He reaches for the nightstand, and pulls out two rings and two bracelets. “You’re the first person outside of my family to see these.”

“I don’t zink I should be looking at zem zen.”

“I want you to.” He presses them into Ludwig’s hand. He takes a long moment to inspect them, and quickly figures out there’s only one design per type of jewelry. The rings are silver bands, with vines delicately etched into them. There’s a single flower in the middle, with a yellow stone in the center of it and white stones placed as petals. He looks at the bracelets, which are also silver, with a single black pearl dangling off of each one. The links are strange; three loops connected to a solid square with a loop on either side of it, repeating. There’s three loops leading to the pearl, and three loops leading to the clasp that connects to one of the nearest square’s loops. They’re beautiful, and they’re in wonderful condition. He hands them back to Alrik carefully.

“Zey are stunning. Danke for trusting me vith zem. Zat means more zan jou could ever know.” The Swede puts them back, being very gentle with them. Ludwig’s never seen him be that cautious before.

“1704. Early June.” His eyes cloud over with memory. “His name was Vide, and it was our four year anniversary. I watched him… It’s my fault. And I’ve never forgiven myself for it.” He sniffs, then wipes frantically at his eyes. He downs the rest of his drink and pours himself more. Ludwig doesn’t stop him this time. He knows the memory is searingly painful. He watches as Alrik drinks two more full cups, half of a third, then sets aside his cup in favour of finishing off his cinnamon bun. Ludwig is reminded he has one of his own, and bites into it.

“I don’t just have Touch Sensory Overload. I have hearing and taste as well. Taste isn’t too difficult to deal with, as long as I’m watching what I’m eating, but hearing… it’s harder. It’s not possible to know when a noise is going to set me off. Most loud noises do, but some quieter ones are harsh. And music doesn’t seem to bother me, no matter how loud it is. Berwald suggested listening to music through earphones while I’m out, but I don’t know about it. I don’t think having something that doesn’t set me off is going to combat something that does. I need an opposite counterpart. But I’ve not found one yet.” He sighs, pulling his feet out from under him.

“And I have ADHD. That doesn’t make things any better. I come off as rude and annoying. I interrupt people because I’m going to forget what I want to say if I don’t say it when it crosses my mind. I’ve taken to biting my lip to keep myself from doing that, but it doesn’t always work. It seems like no matter what I do to fix myself,  **something** out there wants me to be unfixable. I don’t want to fight it anymore. I’m  _ tired _ of fighting it.”

“Jou don’t need fixing.” It comes out before Ludwig knows what he’s saying, but he believes it when he hears it.

“You don’t have to lie to me.” Apparently Alrik doesn’t believe it though, unfortunately.

“I’m not lying. Zere’s nozing vrong vith having Sensory Overload or ADHD. Zey’re part of jou. Zey’re important to jour personality. Everyzing zat has ever happened to jou had a part in making jou vho jou are right now. Vhy vould jou vant to take some of zat avay?”

“Why would I want to exist as I am? The only thing I’m good at is making sweet pastries, coffee, yarnwork, and being rude. Two of those are because of what I personify, not because I’m worth knowing that information. And I’m rude because of it too.”

“Jou are so much more zan zat.” Ludwig looks around the room, desperately trying to find something to bring him out of this downward spiral. His eyes fall on the incomplete lion. “Vhat about jour bruder? He looks up to jou. He loves jou very much. Bervald, too. Jou can’t tell me CinnaBun doesn’t love jou. Vhat about Kiku? Ladonia? Sealand? Ze rest of jour family? Vhat vould zey zink if jou suddenly became someone else?” Alrik sniffs, then starts blinking rapidly. Maybe to blink away his tears? He gives Ludwig a tiny smile and a quiet sob.

“T-tack. So much.” He lets out a bitter laugh as he rubs at his eyes. “Sorry. So sorry. You shouldn’t have had to witness that. Are you okay?” The German frowns deeply.

“Am I okay? I should be asking jou zat.” Alrik shrugs, then smiles sheepishly.

“I’m fine. Sorry. Every time I think of Vide, I just… I return to a much happier time. I didn’t have any Sensory Overload then. I may have had ADHD, I don’t know, but it wasn’t as strong as it is now. And I had him. And no scars.” He sighs. “Sometimes, when I’m looking back on our time together, I wonder if he’d still love me as I am now. But it’s all hypothetical, isn’t it? I can’t know for certain. I shouldn’t focus on things like that. What I should focus on is the time we had together. That’s set in stone, and full of love. It’s all I need. It’s  _ more _ than I need. And I know he’d want me to move on. To find someone else. I’ve been trying. But maybe I’ve been avoiding trying too. Maybe I was holding out hope that what I saw hadn’t actually happened. That Vide would return to me one day. Or that Fika would fall, so I could go to him. Maybe I chose someone to convince myself I was moving on, when I really wasn’t. I never truly pursued Feli. He was a scapegoat. I’m done with that. I want to actually find someone now. I think I’m ready.”

“Gut. But do take jour time.” Alrik giggles.

“I know.” He takes a deep breath in. “It’s funny. I feel much lighter already. Does locking a memory in a bubble really do that?”

“Locking a memory in a bubble?”

“So I can’t go inside it anymore. I’ve been living in the memories I have with Vide for so long. If they’re in a bubble, I can look in but not get in. I can start living  _ now _ . Maybe the world will be brighter.”

“Zat’s a gut outlook.”

“Mmm! I’m excited to start this journey!” He hops up, and immediately stumbles. Ludwig stands quickly, catching him before he can fall.

“Careful. Jou’re drunk.”

“I’m not drunk. I’m just a bit tipsy.” Ludwig raises a brow at him. “Okay, maybe very tipsy. Possibly slightly drunk. But I can still walk!” He wiggles out of the German’s grasp, takes a step, and falls again. Ludwig catches him by the arm and sighs.

“Vhat do jou vant? I’ll get it. Sit back down.”

“Absolutely not! I want to get it!” He takes a wobbly step, then his knee gives out. “Okay. Maybe I need some help. But I still do want to get it myself. Can you hold me up?” Ludwig nods, then pulls Alrik close to him. The man sighs in content and leans into him. “You’re very warm. What time is it? You should probably stay the night. I’d hate to send you out at night. And tipsy! What a terrible host I would be!”

“I’m not tipsy.”

“Oh. Well then get tipsy so I don’t have to send you home!” Ludwig chuckles.

“Only if jou tell me vhere jou vant to go.”

“To the closet!” He helps Alrik walk toward the closet, holding him up from behind. They’re in each other’s personal space, but it’s the only choice Ludwig has. At least he’s not wearing the coat that caused Alrik’s touch sensory overload to go off earlier. “And yarn!”

“Nein. Jou are not getting zat down. Here.” He lifts him up. Alrik lets out a squeak, then grabs a ball of yarn from the top of the container. Ludwig brings him back down. “Anyvhere else?”

“I want my knitting needles!” He flips over the yarn, looking on the wrapper for needle size. “They’re in my vanity.” Ludwig walks him over there, where he grabs two needles with a lovely flower pattern on them. “Bed!”

“Alright.” He feels ridiculous. But Alrik hasn’t stopped giggling. At least one of them is having fun? He picks him up and sets him on the bed. “Do jou need anyzing else?”

“Will you put up the cinnamon buns? I’m done with them. You can have more if you want though! Then we’ll see about getting you some sleep clothes.”

“I have underclothes I can strip to.”

“Mmm right! Okay! Do that then!” Alrik scoots himself until he’s leaning against the headboard, legs sprawled out widely in front of him. Ludwig shakes his head with a smile and takes the cinnamon buns to the kitchen, where Berwald takes them to put up. He returns to Alrik’s room, where two eyes stare intently at him.

“Vhat?”

“I want to watch you strip.” Ludwig’s face turns crimson.

“I’m not stripping completely.” Alrik shrugs.

“Still a show, ja?” He  _ hopes _ the Swede doesn’t remember much in the morning. He tugs his shirt off, revealing a tank top, then carefully removes his pants, revealing a thinner pair underneath them. “Nice. Sexy.”

“Jou’re drunk.”

“Super! Now come cuddle.”

“Cuddle? Vith me?” Alrik sticks his bottom lip out in a pout.

“Mmhmm. Pleeeeeeeease. And sleep with me, too! It’ll be nice to wake up surrounded by your warmth. I just know it will make the hangover hurt so much less!” He should say no. He should just leave the room right now, and return in the morning. But he doesn’t. Instead, he sits on the edge of the bed. Alrik throws his legs over his lap the moment he’s settled. “Feel how soft my socks are!” Ludwig cautiously places a hand on one of his knees.

“Very soft.”

“Silly! That’s not where I meant! Up!” Ludwig moves his hand up before Alrik can wiggle himself into a painful position. “See? Aren’t they soooooo soft? And they don’t hurt to flick, either! Flick one!” If Ludwig’s face isn’t red by now, he has no idea how. But he does as he’s told, and gently flicks the top of the sock against his thigh. “That wasn’t hard enough.” He crosses his arms over his chest.

“Nein?”

“Nej! Flick it harder!”

“Keep jour voice down. Bervald and Albert might zink ve’re doing somezing else.”

“Like what?” He didn’t expect drunk Alrik to be so innocent.

“Never mind.” He pulls the top of one of the socks back, and lets it snap against the skin.

“See? I didn’t feel anything!”

“Jour thigh is turning red. I zink zat has more to do vith jour resistance zan ze softness of ze socks.”

“Nej, it’s the socks. These are the only ones that don’t hurt. I love them!” He hums happily, then starts knitting. A long, comfortable silence fills the space between them. After a few minutes, Ludwig has the urge to fidget. But Alrik’s legs are still in his lap, and there’s nothing nearby he can mess with without disturbing him. Nothing except… Ludwig sighs. This was definitely planned. “Go ahead,” Alrik mumbles, not looking up from his work. “I know you want to.” The strange this is, he  _ does _ want to. Maybe he’s tipsy. That’s the only explanation he has. He slips his thumb underneath the top of Alrik’s sock, and rubs it along his thigh gently. This is going to be an odd night.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talk of death. ADHD. Sensory Overload. Talk of objectifying women and what surrounds that. Showing scars.
> 
> Germany has a written accent because of trauma I have with the character. I can’t write him without it.

Ludwig wakes up surrounded by warmth. It takes a moment for him to realize it’s originating from behind him. He focuses on it, and blushes when he realizes the positioning. Someone much smaller than him—probably Alrik—has their face pressed into his back, arms wrapped loosely around his waist, one leg thrown over his hip, and the other between his knees. There’s a heavy blanket, possibly the duvet he saw the day before, over the two of them. He doesn’t remember much of the night past the sock incident. He thinks they stayed like that for awhile, maybe an hour or two, when he started falling asleep sitting up. Alrik had suggested they go to bed, set aside his knitting, and crawled under the covers. Ludwig had followed suit, and was nearly immediately in dream land.

He takes a deep breath in, and holds it for a long moment. He lets it out slowly, closing his eyes again. Alrik’s bed smells just like him; coffee and cinnamon. But there’s a hint of something else there that Ludwig can’t quite place. It’s sweet, like sugar. But that’s not it. He thinks maybe frosting, but another sniff tells him no. He racks his brain for other ideas, and eventually he lands on cotton candy. That’s it! His sheets and pillowcases smell faintly of cotton candy. He thinks he saw a bottle of perfume or cologne on the vanity, which must be the source of the scent. Alrik smells like coffee and cinnamon and a hint of cotton candy. And… he sniffs again. Chocolate and marzipan?

“Are you awake, Ludwig?”

“Ja.” He hears a quiet groan.

“Too loud,” Alrik mumbles out, burying his face in Ludwig’s back.

“Sorry,” he lowers his voice.

“Mmm it’s okay.” He tightens his grip around his waist. “Is this position alright? I can move if you need me to.”

“It’s fine.”

“Oh thank goodness. I have the  _ worst _ hangover and I’m almost certain your heat and not being able to see any light are helping much more than I want to know. I’m going back to sleep, it’s unbearable.” He snuggles closer, lets out a content sigh, and relaxes his muscles. Ludwig lays there, trying not to disturb Alrik. Eventually his breathing evens out, and the German decides he might as well go back to sleep as well. Before he can, there’s a gentle knock at the open door.

“Are either of du awake?” It’s Albert. Ludwig nods, opening his eyes to look at the man.

“He just vent back to sleep not too long ago.”

“I wish I had come with this earlier then.” He holds up a glass of water and a medicine foil packet, then places them on the nightstand. “Make sure he takes some when he wakes up again. Then see if he’s feeling well enough to come eat breakfast. Du are welcome to come as well.”

“Danke. If he does not vish to travel, I can bring it to him.”

“Tack. I’m sure he will be more than willing to accept that.” Albert gathers the vodka and cups from last night, then looks Ludwig in the eyes. “Don’t let him fool du. He’s nowhere near as innocent as he pretends to be. But he is as oblivious as he acts. Perhaps even more.” He leaves the room quickly. Ludwig runs his words through his head. Not innocent but oblivious. How does that even work? Well, ‘innocent’ can apply to many things. But oblivious? That applies to almost everything for Alrik. He sighs to himself, not wanting to think about something so complex so soon after waking up.

The man behind him moves closer, hugging him tighter and moving his leg up a bit. Ludwig fears for a moment he might have to reposition himself, but Alrik’s leg stops just above his knees. He settles back into a deeper sleep, leaving the German in silence. He stares at the cup and medicine on the nightstand in front of him, wondering what he can do to keep himself from drifting off again without disturbing the Swede cuddling him. A few minutes pass by, and his eyes start getting heavy. Maybe he should just go back to sleep? Before he can close his eyes, there’s a soft knock at the open door. “Breakfast is ready, if du can untangle yourself from Rikky.” There’s a smile in Albert’s voice. The brothers obviously love each other dearly.

“Danke.” He tries to slip out from Alrik’s grasp, but he whines. He furrows his brows in thought. If he can’t escape, what’s he supposed to do? “Alrik.” He gets a huff in response. “Are jou avake?” He pauses in hopes of another noise, or a voice, but gets nothing. “Alrik.” He leans back into him, then forward, somewhat shaking him repeatedly. “Alrik. Vake up. Don’t jou vant breakfast?”

“Nej,” he mumbles, scooting closer to Ludwig. “I  _ want _ my headache to go away, and I need darkness for that to happen fast. Your back does wonderful at blocking out all of the light, when you’re not moving.”

“But jou might feel better after jou eat.” Alrik huffs again, then groans dramatically. He releases his grip, and Ludwig carefully sits up. “Jou don’t have to get it. I vill. But please take ze medicine on jour nightstand vhile I’m gone.” He stands slowly, stretching his body out as he does. Alrik watches him leave the room, then sits up. He grumbles as he pokes a hole into the foil over the medicine, and drops two capsules onto his tongue. He grabs the glass and swallows down half of the water in it before placing it back on the wood. He flops onto his back, eyes screwed shut tightly. He reaches around for his plush of CinnaBun, and hugs his baby close. Ludwig comes back a few minutes later, and he begrudgingly pulls himself back into a sitting position.

“Tack,” he whispers when a plate is handed to him. He smiles a bit when he sees what’s on it, placing CinnaBun’s likeness aside. “My favourite smörgå.” It’s an open-faced sandwich with butter, provolone, turkey, a tiny bit of ham, tomato,  _ and _ cucumber on it. Berwald always playfully fusses at him that it’s tomatoes  _ or _ cucumbers but cuts both for him, when they’re available. Albert likes his with Gouda for the cheese, caviar instead of ham, and switches between tomato and cucumber. He bites into his breakfast happily, not even noticing Ludwig watching him. He lets out a content sigh, closing his eyes to better savour the bite.

Ludwig makes sure Alrik isn’t going to get sick from eating before even considering eating his own sm… he shakes his head. Maybe he doesn’t  **have** to know how to pronounce the Swedish words he’s learning. Not right now, anyway. But definitely eventually. He bites into his own, made the same as Alrik’s, besides the cheese being Cheddar. Berwald had to help him figure out how to make it as Albert made his brother’s. He gave him a strange look when he put both tomato and cucumber on the sandwich, but he didn’t dare ask about it. But Alrik probably knows, right? “Vhy did Bervald look at me strangely vhen I put tomato and cucumber on mine, but not at Albert for jours?” Alrik giggles, then places a hand on his forehead.

“Ow.” He takes a breath. “They’re usually made with one or the other, but I’ve always liked them with both. My guess is they know I’m super hungover, so Berty made my favourite in hopes it would make me feel a little better. Ber usually jokingly fusses at me that they’re not supposed to be made this way, but he doesn’t do that when I’m in pain. He does it for Berty, too.” The gentlest smile Ludwig’s ever seen Alrik give flits across his lips. “He loves us so much. And we love him just as much. I don’t know what I’d do without him. Or Berty, for that matter. Now that he’s here, it would be weird if things returned to the way they were before. And I’d be sad. He’s one of the best things to ever happen to me. To anyone that knows him well. He’s the best. I don’t know how I would continue on if he were to…” His shoulders slump.

“Eat. Vhat jou’re zinking von’t happen. I promise.” Alrik nods meekly, then takes another bite. He curls into himself a bit. Ludwig purposefully stands, then sits closer to him to grab his attention. They’re almost touching at the hip now. “As long as people exist, he vill too. As much good as humans have, zere’s bad as vell. Zere vill likely always be people placing ozers under…” He’s not sure if he should say it. Alrik sniffs, then nods slowly.

“Tack for not saying it. And you’re right. As terrible as it is, Berty will always exist, as long as humans do. I hope I will too.” He laughs bitterly. “Wouldn’t it be ironic if I were to stop existing before he does?” Ludwig frowns deeply at him.

“Don’t zink like zat. Zere’s vays to keep both of jou alive, if it ever comes to it. Look at Gil.” Alrik’s stomach fills with guilt.

“I’m sorry. This is probably a sensitive subject for you.” Ludwig shakes his head slightly.

“It used to be, but not as much anymore. It still is for Gil zough. But I meant vhat I said. Zere are vays to keep jou from disappearing.”

“Do you think they would work for a personification that’s not a country?”

“I don’t know. But I know zere’s people zat vould try everyzing zey could to keep jou. Albert, too.” Alrik lifts his head up and smiles directly at Ludwig.

“I really needed to hear that. Tack.” He freezes for a moment in uncertainty. Then,

“Anytime.” He turns his attention back to his sandwich awkwardly, but he can feel eyes on him. When he isn’t sure he can take it any longer, Alrik speaks.

“Can I hug you? I don’t think you realize how much that helped.” He nods once. A plate is set aside, and arms are thrown around him like the person attached to them’s life depends on this hug. It’s actually quite nice. Ludwig lets himself melt into it, lightly laying his head on top of Alrik’s. The Swede sighs in content, and presses closer to him. “You’re really good at calming people down. You’re amazing.”

“Don’t say zat.”

“Why not? It’s true.” He doesn’t reply. He doesn’t believe it, but that’s his own bias. He’s not going to push that onto Alrik. “Ludwig?” He glances up at him.

“Ja?”

“You don’t believe me, do you?” He shakes his head. “That’s okay. We’re usually our own hardest critics. Sometimes I don’t think too highly of myself either. But that’s normal. I think. I hope.” He shakes his head. “I’m getting off track, aren’t I?” The pain in his eyes makes Ludwig’s chest hurt.

“It’s okay for jou to go off track. Zat’s how jour brain vorks. Don’t get upset vith jourself because of it.”

“But-”

“Nein. I don’t vant to hear it. Jou are perfect, just ze vay jou are.” Alrik would cross his arms over his chest if he weren’t so comfortable in the hug.

“I’ll only accept that if you do the same.”

“Alright. I zink ve can both benefit from zis.”

“Mmhmm!” He pulls out of the hug carefully. “Now eat. I know I’m the one with a hangover, but it’s not good to skip breakfast.” Ludwig quickly starts eating again, thinking of all the breakfasts he’s skipped in his life. At this point, it’s probably more than he’s had. He knows it’s not healthy, especially if he’s going to jog, but there’s more important things to do! Like paperwork. Or check on Gilbert. Or deal with Feli. He internally frowns. Besides when he’s staying fit or drinking with Gil, does he ever do anything for himself? A few times a year, maybe, but that’s not enough. Perhaps there’s a reason he chose Alrik’s name. He needs to learn to enjoy himself more often, and what better way than by becoming friends with the personification of Fika?

“Can ve do a Fika? Not now, but soon.” Alrik snorts quietly. He grimaces after, holding his head with both hands for a long moment.

“ _ Have _ a Fika. But ja, I don’t see why not.” He smiles mischievously. “Finally decided to settle down for a few minutes? Appreciate life a bit?”

“It does occur to me I don’t take much time for myself. I’ve known zat should change, but I didn’t know vhere to start. Now, I zink I do.”

“And that’s through me.”

“ _ Vith _ jou, preferably.” He smiles gently at Alrik, who scrunches up his nose. “Vhat?”

“That was borderline flirting. I don’t like flirting.” Ludwig bows his head.

“My apologies.” Alrik sighs heavily.

“It’s alright. You couldn’t have known I don’t like it.” He pulls his knees into his chest and hugs them tightly.

“If it isn’t prying too much, vhy don’t jou like flirting? It seems like zere’s some significant reason behind it.” He stiffens. “Jou don’t have to tell me. Don’t feel pressured to.” The Swede closes his eyes.

“Tack for being considerate. But it’s not fair to curl up like this and not tell you why.” He takes a breath and holds it for a long moment, before letting it out slowly. “Most of my existence, I’ve had men flirting with me. Harassing me, honestly. Because they think I’m a woman. Humans are some of the worst creatures to exist. Why do so many men feel the need to objectify women?” His jaw trembles. “I’m afraid of them, Ludwig. They’re always there. Always ready to harass. Always ready to assault. Not all of them, but enough. Gods, it’s so much  _ more _ than enough. And they don’t fucking listen!” He flinches at his volume. “Ow. There’s been so many times I’ve had to prove to them I’m not a woman by  _ showing _ them I’m not. And then some like to beat me because they think I’ve tricked them. And what really sucks is I  _ know _ women get treated worse than I do. That’s why I’ll always protect them. I’ve been through a fraction of what they go through, and it’s not right. I don’t know how many assaults I’ve stopped. It hurts to think about. But I’m also glad I could be there. Because there’s a chance those women might not have made it out alive in some cases.”

“May I hug jou?” Alrik nods. Ludwig sets aside his plate and pulls him into his chest, and laces a hand in his hair. The Swede sniffs, then cuddles closer to him. “I’m not going to pretend I know vhat zat feels like. But I vill say jou have such a good heart for helping anyone, even vhen it’s possible ze offender could turn on jou as vell.” Alrik giggles ever so slightly.

“It helps that I’m able to overpower most of them. That way if they’re being too touchy, I can stop them. I think that’s why I’ve not been…” He shakes his head. “They don’t expect someone so small to be strong. They pick on who they deem weak. It’s just another level of how shitty they are. But you’re right. Helping is a good thing to do. It’s the  _ right _ thing to do. But so many people don’t.”

“And it’s awful zey don’t.”

“It’s not always their fault,” he mumbles, wrapping his arms around Ludwig’s waist. “Sometimes, they’re raised to be silent. Non confrontational. Sometimes they’re afraid. There’s so many reasons someone might not say anything. And some of it comes from that being normalized.” He shakes his head. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

“Okay. Ve don’t have to.” Ludwig squeezes him gently. He reaches for the plush CinnaBun, and places it on Alrik’s shoulder. “Someone vants to see jou smile.” The man laughs quietly and pulls away from the embrace. He takes CinnaBun’s likeness, and kisses him on the forehead.

“I think that someone is you.” He looks into Ludwig’s eyes. He’s taken aback for a moment. When his brain starts working again, he flushes crimson. “I don’t mind. I like that you’re being open. I like that  _ we’re _ being open. It’s so much better than that silly grudge I had. I’m actually really embarrassed about that.” He bows his head. “Sorry again.”

“I can understand vhy jou had it. I can even understand vhy jou didn’t just ask. But I’m glad to have zat behind us as vell.”

“Mmm. Ja. It’s nice.” He lifts his head and the corner of his mouth turns up. “You’re a lot less…” he furrows his brows. “I dunno how to explain it. But you’re a lot less  _ something _ than I thought you would be. It’s pleasant.” Ludwig chuckles.

“I get zat more often zan jou might zink.” Alrik shrugs, then goes back to his breakfast. Ludwig does as well, avoiding looking at the man sitting next to him so he doesn’t get distracted again. When they’re done, the plates go on his nightstand. “Vhat now?”

“I want to go back to sleep. My head still hurts.”

“Did ze medicine not vork?”

“Nej, it did. It’s not as unbearable anymore. But pain medicine doesn’t work too well for me. I’m used to it. I’m happy when it manages to take the edge off.” He stretches his legs out, then slides down into a laying position, on top of the duvet. He pulls the knit blanket Albert made over him, and closes his eyes. “Feel free to do whatever you want. Including holding me.” Ludwig doesn’t understand how he can be so forward about something so embarrassing.

“Vhat about ze blanket? Jou told me not to touch it.”

“You can now. Just be gentle with it. Berty spent three months on it.” He bundles the blanket tighter around him. “The drawer’s still off limits though.” That answers a question before he could think of it. “You don’t have to stay here though.”

“Nein, I vant to. I’m interested in learning more about jou.”

“There’s not much else to know.” Ludwig takes a deep breath.

“Jou mentioned scars last night.” Alrik doesn’t tense, like he was expecting. Instead, he nods.

“I guess I did leave those out.” He sits up, carefully folding the top of the blanket into his lap. “There’s five. Each one is from a coffee or coffee paraphernalia ban. Do you want to see them?”

“Vhere are zey?”

“Three are on my torso. One’s on my thigh. The other’s on my arm. I understand if you don’t want to see them, or only want to see some.”

“I feel like jour torso should be a bit more sacred zan zat.” Alrik frowns slightly.

“Not particularly. Sure I don’t like people knowing they’re there, but once I tell someone, I don’t mind them seeing them. But it’s up to you. If you’re uncomfortable-”

“Nein. I vould like to see zem.”

“Okej!” He beams, laughing a bit as he pulls his shirt up and over his head. Ludwig has to resist the urge to look away to give him privacy, but he’s soon distracted by deep scars. He points at the one crossing from  the left side of his upper chest to just under his right ribs. “I got this one first. It’s my longest and deepest. It’s from a ten year ban on coffee paraphernalia.” He moves his finger to the one straight down his left side, from mid rib to the top of his hip. “This one came second.” He places a hand over the one on his upper right forearm. “This is my third and shortest. It’s also the most shallow.” He pushes the blanket out of his lap and tugs up the left leg of his shorts a bit. “Fourth. I will let my lover or lovers touch this one. It helps ground me, but it also slightly arouses me.” Ludwig’s face turns crimson. Alrik turns his back toward him, where he’s greeted with a scar traveling diagonally across his lower back, from the bottom of his right ribs to his left hip. “This is the last scar I received. There’s no guarantee I won’t get more, as they might ban coffee again sometime in the future.”

He turns back to Ludwig and puts his shirt back on. “I hope that doesn’t happen. Each of these scars  _ hurt. _ I was sick for the entire length of time the bans were going. I couldn’t really move. I don’t know what I would have done without Berwald during those times. He’s been a great help.” He wraps his arms around himself. “I love him very much. Life wouldn’t be the same without him.” He shakes his head. “But I’ve thought that before, haven’t I? And I guess I was right. Life  _ isn’t _ the same without Vide.” Ludwig scoots closer to him.

“Alrik?”

“Sorry. I’m sorry. I know I said I’m ready to move on, but… Whoever I find won’t be the same. They won’t have soft, beautiful grey eyes, or deep brown hair that’s usually braided with stunning Norse braids, or… or…” He hiccups from trying to keep himself from crying.

“Come here,” Ludwig opens his arms. Alrik practically throws himself into them.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Nothing is vrong vith jou. It never gets easier vhen jou lose someone zat important to jou. And jou’re also stopping going after Feliciano. It’s understandable vhy jou cry so easily right now.” Alrik nods into his chest. He takes a few deep breaths, trying desperately to calm himself down. “Let’s lay down.”

“J-ja.” They lay down, and Ludwig wraps his arms loosely around Alrik. “Tack,” he mumbles. “That feels nice.”

“Jou’re velcome. Are jou comfortable in zat position?” His hands are on Ludwig’s chest, squished between them, and his face is lightly pressed into his throat.

“Ja. It’s a position I need sometimes. It helps settle me. Usually Berwald’s the one holding me though. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Of course not.” Alrik sighs in relief.

“Good. I was worried.” He relaxes significantly. “Tack again. And godnatt.” He closes his eyes. Ludwig feels his eyelashes tickle against his skin, but doesn’t react. He has a feeling Alrik needs this comfort more than he’s letting on, and he doesn’t want to disturb it. Soon enough, his breathing has evened out. The silence opens a doorway into his thoughts.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pushing body too hard. Death talk (witch trial style). BREIF mention of WWII (A sentence).
> 
> Germany has a written accent because of trauma I have with the character. I can’t write him without it.

There’s a lot for him to think about. First and most confusing; the trust Alrik has in him. It seems like there’s  _ too much _ there. It doesn’t make sense. Why does he trust him so much? And why so easily? He has a feeling he knows why, but it’s a sorrowful reason. It doesn’t seem like Alrik has had this much positive attention in a long time. Ludwig smiles bitterly to himself. There was a time he was like that. He had latched onto Kiku and Feliciano. He had fallen in love with both of them because of it. He sighs softly. Alrik only has him. What if he does the same thing? And would that be so bad?

He runs his fingers through Alrik’s hair gently. He doesn’t want to answer that question right now. So he won’t. Second; why does he enjoy having someone depend on him? That one’s both easy and hard to answer. Obviously it’s because Gilbert is super independent, and refuses anything Ludwig tries to do for him unless he does it without his knowledge, or he’s sick. But that doesn’t explain why he  _ likes it _ . He glances down at the man in his arms. Maybe he likes seeing people smile? And being the source of that smile makes it even more special. There’s probably more to it, but that’s what he settles on for now.

Before he can think about any more, Albert walks into the room to gather the plates. Ludwig turns his head to look at him. He’s smirking. “I see Rikky has du trapped again. Tack for being so willing to hold him. He’s a very touchy person. Berwald and I can’t really keep up with his need for cuddles. And… I think he deserves non-family cuddles.” His eyes soften. “Honestly, he deserves cuddles from a significant other. He has for three centuries. But he’s stubborn.”

“Stubborn?”

“In more ways than one. But I’m currently referring to his want to find his forever. He doesn’t want to start a relationship with someone he’s not certain is that. But it’s hurting him. It’s not very possible to figure that out without dating first. I’ve tried to tell him, but he insists he’ll be able to tell before getting into anything serious. I’m worried his stubbornness is stopping him from being happy." Albert sighs heavily, shaking his head. "Maybe he'll listen to du. I apologize for asking, but can du try talking some sense into him? I wouldn't be asking if I didn't think du could do it." Ludwig furrows his brows slightly.

"If jou and Bervald aren't able to convince him, vhat makes jou zink I vill be able to?"

"Du aren't family." He bows his head. "But it's for du to decide. I don't want to push. But tack for listening." Then he's gone. Ludwig groans quietly to himself. What should he do? What does he  _ want _ to do? He wants Alrik to be happy. And if he's happy waiting for his forever, who is Ludwig to question it? But what if he's  _ not _ happy? He should at least have a conversation with the man. He won’t push anything, nor suggest, but he has to do  _ something _ . Maybe ask why? That’s a good place to start. He glances back at Alrik, who’s still sleeping soundly. It’s a good place to start when he wakes up.

~

Ludwig has mentally scheduled his next week down to the second when Alrik stirs. He lets out a yawn, then gently pulls away from the German. “Mmm sorry to keep you here. I’m sure you’re busy. But it means a lot to me that you stayed. I feel so much better!” How much time had passed? He’s not sure. He’s not been able to find a clock in the room, and checking his phone was out of the question. He wouldn’t let himself disturb Alrik. But now that he’s awake, he can check.

“I’m glad jou feel better.” His brows furrow when he sees the time. It’s early afternoon.

“Sorry. Did you have something to do today? I would have let you leave if I had known, I promise. I’m sorry. Can I make it up to you? I hope it wasn’t anything important. I feel really bad now.”

“Nein, don’t. I only had a suggestion of a schedule. Zere vasn’t anyzing important today. I try not to schedule zings after a Meeting.”

“Oh. That’s good, I guess. But I still feel bad. You normally go for a run or a jog, right?” Ludwig nods slowly, a thought coming to mind.

“Is zere a place nearby I could run?”

“Here? Ja, but-”

“Vill jou come vith me?” Alrik blinks at him. “It vill be nice. Jour head doesn’t hurt anymore, right? But having a hangover alvays makes me feel gross. Running helps. I promise.” The Swede scrunches up his nose in distaste. “Vhat if I promise not to run too fast?”

“Fast walking only, and you have a deal. It would be nice to cool down a bit.”

“Alright. Tell me if I get too fast for jou. Sometimes I don’t realize I’m pushing my partner.” Alrik laughs.

“I’ve heard stories about that.”

“I can only imagine.” The smaller man sticks out his tongue, then slides out of the bed.

“Get dressed. If you need anything specific, I’m sure Berwald wouldn’t mind lending you some clothes.” He kneels next to his dresser, and opens the drawer with his pants in it. He frowns at the small amount, then pulls out a deep blue pair with green leaves on them. He matches a knee-length skirt to the green, then matches a long sleeve shirt to the blue. He adds a brown button up, and goes into the ensuite to change and brush his hair. His eyes catch on his makeup, and he bites his bottom lip in indecision. Ultimately he gives in, and reaches for his eyeshadow brush. He dusts his eyelids with a brown to match his outer layer, then puts on green eyeliner. Instead of winging it, he turns the end into a leaf on each side. He stares at his reflection for a long moment, trying to figure out what he’s missing. Eventually he settles on lipstick, and digs through his colours until he finds a blue that matches his pants and shirt. He twirls, and frowns when he realizes the skirt would look much better with a petticoat under it. He rushes back into his room to grab one that fits the length, and tugs it on. He takes a moment to fix the positioning, then goes over to his vanity to check his reflection. “Perfect!” He places his hands on his hips. “Just one last thing.” He walks over to his nightstand, where his necklace lays. He ties it around his neck, then smiles.

“Oh…” He turns to the door where Ludwig stands, dressed for the snow. “Jou look… What vord do I use here?”

“I don’t mind cute. Most other things feel like flirting.”

“Zen jou are very cute.” His face flushes in embarrassment. Alrik can’t help but giggle.

“I like seeing you blush. It’s so much better than what used to happen.” He fastens the last two buttons on his outer layer, and lifts his head up. “Ready! I’m used to the cold, so don’t worry about me being underdressed. Oh! But I want these!” He darts toward his vanity and grabs an earmuff headband. He puts it into position on his head, opens a drawer to grab a pair of gloves, then skips over to Ludwig as he tugs those on. “ _ Now _ I’m ready.”

“Let’s go zen.” He turns, ready to leave for their walk. But Alrik makes a quiet, distressed noise. “Vhat is it?”

“Can we hold hands?” The German smiles softly, and offers his hand to the shorter man. He takes it happily, and starts walking. They’re outside before Ludwig realizes he’s humming quietly.

“Vhat are jou singing?”

“I’m not really singing. But it’s Vargsången. The Wolf Song. It’s a beautiful lullaby. I sing it to Berty when he has trouble sleeping, or when he needs to calm down. It comes in handy when we’re out. People aren’t very respectful of his personal bubble.”

“I’m sorry to hear zat.”

“Tack. If Berty were here, he’d be hiding because of your kindness.” He smiles broadly. He goes back to humming, but this time he’s swinging his and Ludwig’s hands between them to the beat. He seems lost in his own world.

“Speaking of Albert. He brought something up to me earlier.” Alrik stops swinging their hands, and goes on the defense. “Nein, nozing bad. He said jou don’t really vant to date until jou find someone to be jour forever. Is zat true, or is it just somezing jou told him because of Vide?” Alrik takes a deep breath. He holds it in for roughly a minute before letting it out explosively.

“Both? Sort of. I don’t know! I know it’s partially because of Vide. He felt like my soulmate. It’s not likely I’m going to find another. But it  _ is _ possible I’ll find someone that I would feel comfortable and even love spending the rest of…” He shakes his head. “However long we have, together. But it’s not just because of Vide. It’s because of this, too.” He loops his thumb in the ring on the ribbon around his neck. “Lukas gave it to me after my last scar formed. Well, as it was finishing forming. It’s a symbol of hope there won’t be another coffee ban, and subsequently another pain period. It’s worked so far. Which means the next part of its meaning has to work too.” He blinks back a few tears. “I-I hope, anyway.” He clings to the ring. “I’m supposed to give it to whoever I come to love. Then it will become a symbol of hope for us. I want that person to be my forever. I know it probably sounds stupid, and childish, and-”

“It comes from jour heart. It doesn’t matter if it’s any of zose zings, because it means so much to jou. Vhoever jou find vill understand zat. And if zey don’t, zen zey don’t deserve to be jour forever.” Alrik sniffs, then laughs bitterly.

“If only everyone were as understanding as you.” He sighs heavily. “Do you think I should give up trying to find my forever next? I’ve not dated in so long, it might be a good idea to get used to it again before I try finding them. Or do you think they’ll understand why I’ve been waiting for them?” Ludwig shakes his head.

“I zink jou should follow jour heart. Don’t let someone else decide for jou. If it’s important to jou, vait for jour forever to start dating again. And it’s alright if zat changes. If it’s no longer as important to jou, and jou vant to date around a bit, zey’ll understand zat too. It’s  _ jour _ decision. Not anyone else’s.” Alrik groans quietly.

“I was afraid you were going to say that. You’re right, of course, but that doesn’t make my decision any easier. But it does put some things into perspective. No matter who my forever is, they’ll understand either way. Because it’s not up to  _ them _ what  _ I _ do. And I definitely want whoever I wind up with to be adamant about that. Tack, Ludwig. You’ve helped a lot. I don’t feel so confused anymore. I’m still very uncertain what I should do, but there’s not the lingering thought of ‘what if my forever doesn’t like what I decide?’ stuck in my head anymore. Because you’re right! I don’t want them to be my forever if they don’t accept how I choose to find them.” He falls silent. Ludwig swings their hands between them again, until he feels Alrik take over. A few minutes of silence passes over them.

“I vould like to run for a bit. Jou don’t have to run vith me if jou don’t vant to.”

“I think I’d like to.” He takes off at top speed. Ludwig shakes his head and runs after him, but at a slower speed. A steady, non-pushing speed lasts longer than forcing the limit. Alrik’s stamina is impressive though; he doesn’t even start slowing down until thirty minutes passes. He becomes slower than Ludwig at roughly the hour mark, but not by much. “Let’s turn around before we get too far from home.”

“Ja, zat’s a good idea.” He pivots, then starts back up in the direction he was coming from. Alrik lets out a puff and runs after him. He’s starting to pant now, but it’s not bad. Ludwig listens carefully for more frantic breathing from the Swede, but it doesn’t come for another thirty minutes. He holds his hand up and stops, then turns to face Alrik. “Ve can-” The smaller man stumbles forward. Ludwig throws out his arms to catch him.

“Sorry.” He squeezes his eyes shut tightly. He tries to take a deep breath, but he’s panting too hard. Guilt slams into Ludwig. He should have called their run earlier. “G-give me a m-moment. Th-then we c-can cont-tinue.”

“Nein. Ve aren’t running anymore. Jou can’t breathe. Running vill not help.” He brushes the damp hair away from Alrik’s forehead. That’s when he notices he’s shaking. “Get on my back.”

“Wh-what?”

“Get on my back. I’m carrying jou ze rest of ze vay.”

“But-!”

“It’s for jour safety. I vill carry jou anozer vay if jou vant, but jou aren’t running  _ or _ valking.”

“...Okay.” Ludwig’s voice is too serious for him to fight it. “Your w-way is fine.” He watches as the German turns, and he wraps his arms around his neck. He’s about to jump when arms circle around his knees, pulling him up. He shrieks, and buries his face in Ludwig’s hair. “N-not fair!” He starts jogging.

“I’m trying to get jou home safely. Fair is not somezing I am concerned about.” Alrik huffs, but doesn’t complain. Ludwig runs the information he has through his head. Alrik is shaking, but not in a muscle pain way. He’s struggling to breathe, though that seems to have evened out a bit. He’s sweating more than a normal amount. He’s paler than usual. His heart rate is fast, but Ludwig’s not sure if that’s from running or something else. 

“My head hurts. And I feel sick. And tingly.” Ludwig sighs softly. That confirms it.

“Jour blood sugar is low. I’ll try to get jou home fast so jou can eat somezing. Do jou have any fruit zere?” Alrik nods into his hair.

“Bananas, apples, blackberries, Swedish blueberries, and lingonberries. Ooh and cloudberries, my favourite. We’re running low on those though.”

“Good. Jou have access to healthy but sugary foods.” Alrik scrunches up his nose in distaste. Sugar shouldn’t be healthy! But Ludwig’s looking out for him. He can’t get upset. It wouldn’t be right. As he listens to the snow crunch beneath them, he realizes he’s clinging to one of Berwald’s coats and not the one that set his sensory overload off. That was nice of Ludwig to consider. He tightens his grip, and buries his nose in the back of his neck.

“You’re too kind,” he mumbles.

“Vhat? I didn’t quite hear jou.”

“Nothing important.” He takes a deep breath in and closes his eyes. Ludwig is warm. But a comfortable warm, not like the cooling sweat on his body. He could easily fall asleep, if he let himself. But he’s slept more than enough today. So he decides to start a conversation. “I think I’ve decided.”

“Decided? On vhat?” Alrik shifts position so he can put his chin on top of Ludwig’s head.

“I think I want to date. As much as I would love the next person I’m with to be my forever, I don’t think it’s very logical. And, it’d be nice to kiss someone. And non platonically cuddle them. Really, I miss the things that come with romantic relationships. I don’t want my forever to be someone that’s concerned with my past relationships, so it’s a good way to weed that out too. Now to figure out who to date! There’s a few people I know that are my type.” Ludwig chuckles.

“Mind telling me?”

“Not at all! Hungary, for one. She’s pretty and badass! England. He and Feli have cruel streaks, and are pretty.” He hums softly. “Apparently I have a type. Pretty and able to stand up to me. You and Prussia fall in that category too.” Ludwig flushes. “I suppose Switzerland does, and Lovino, but I don’t know Switz that well and Lovi’s my close friend.” The name catches his attention.

“Ah, speaking of Lovino. Albert wants to speak with jou about somezing to do vith him.” Alrik perks up.

“I hope they finally got together! I’ve thought they would be a good fit for awhile now. Berty has a crush on him, I think, but he won’t admit it. He doesn’t like romantic love because he… because of what he personifies. He’s afraid that might influence it. I hope Lovi got close enough to him he’s sure it’s not going to affect him.”

“I hope he did as vell. Jou both deserve happiness.”

“You do too, Ludwig. However that may form for you. I know it’s probably different from mine. Hell, Berty’s is different from mine. His is closer to Berwald’s. I’m… more materialistic, at least when it comes to love. But it’s only because of what little bit I have left of Vide. Gifts became important to me after…” He tears up. “Gift giving was my last happy memory of Vide. So it stuck.” He wipes at his eyes. “I also love seeing that genuine smile when I give someone a gift. It fills me with warmth. I’ll never tire of that feeling.”

“Jou’ve put a lot of zought into vhy.” Alrik shrugs.

“I guess I have. Is that strange?”

“Not many people do. Zere’s nozing wrong vith it zough. Especially if…” Ludwig thinks about the time period. 1704. That’s close to the end of witchcraft trials. “Jou have trauma from vatching his death.” Alrik sighs heavily.

“I thought you might figure it out. I watched him get tried, beheaded, and burned. It’s my fault he was tried. I had just told him about us. He always repeated important information to himself out loud. He was overheard and accused. Berwald and I had to leave. I would have been tried in the morning if we hadn’t. I can’t imagine how angry they were to find I had escaped my bindings.”

“It vasn’t jour fault. It  _ isn’t _ jour fault. Vhoever accused him und ze mindset of ze times is at fault. Not jou. Never jou.” Alrik lets out a quiet sob.

“T-tack.” He hugs Ludwig the best he can. “R-really. I needed to hear that.” He sniffs, and blinks back his tears. He doesn’t want to cry again today. “It doesn’t stop me from being hard on myself about it, and I might still blame myself for awhile, but you helped. Berwald, too. He’s told me it’s not my fault so many times. B-but he never added  _ who’s _ fault it is. That’s what I was missing.” Ludwig squeezes his calves gently.

“Sometimes ve need someone to blame zings on. Especially zings so serious.”

“J-ja. You’re right. I of all people should know that. I’m sorry again.”

“It’s alright. I understand vhy much better now. I zink it vas called for.” After a moment, he speaks again. “I’m glad jou’ve decided how jou vant to find jour forever. Jou’re a step closer now.”

“Ja. I guess I am.”

“Jou don’t sound too excited.” Alrik hugs him tightly.

“I just don’t know about it anymore. What if ‘forever’ doesn’t exist? What if it  _ does _ ? I’m afraid of it. There’s so much that could happen in that amount of time. I could change. Whoever I wind up with could change. It doesn’t make much sense to search for someone to be with for such a long time, when there’s no way of telling what might happen. Especially with us.” He sighs heavily. “It’s a nice thought, but it’s also a naive one.”

“Vhat if jou search for a for-now?” Alrik hums quietly in thought.

“That could work. But I feel bad. I’ve spent so long trying for a forever. What if they come when I decide to stop?” He shakes his head. “I don’t know! This was a lot easier before… everything.”

“Everyzing?”

“Vide. My scars. Becoming Fika. We didn’t even know what I was back then. It was so much easier.” Ludwig brushes a finger over his knee.

“Zings tend to seem easier vhen ve aren’t in zat moment. Ze present vill alvays be ze hardest to live zrough.” Alrik buries his face in Ludwig’s hair to ground himself.

“You’re right. Why are you always right?” Ludwig smiles bitterly to himself.

“Jou learn vhen jour leader caused a Vorld Var.”

“I didn’t mean to bring that up.”

“I know jou didn’t.” He tilts his head back slightly. Alrik pulls away so he can move easier. Ludwig doesn’t stop until they lock eyes. “Vhat about jour necklace? Is zat still going to stand for hope?” Alrik’s hand flies to the ring.

“I think it has to. We think it’s enchanted.” He sighs. “But there’s another part to it. When Lukas gave it to me, I stated that whoever removes it from my neck shall be my forever. If that happens, I’m going to try my very hardest to go through with it. Because that was a promise to myself.” He squeezes his eyes shut tightly. “I’m stuck searching for a forever no matter what, aren’t I?”

“I zink most people eventually are. Zat doesn’t mean jou have to start now zough. It’s perfectly acceptable to date for fun.” Alrik furrows his brows and opens his eyes.

“What about you? Have you ever dated for fun?” Ludwig drops his head quickly. He feels Alrik slump against him. “I’ll take that as a ‘no’, then.”

“I’ve not had time to date. I’m busy.” There’s no reply. He shakes his head. “Believe me, I’d date if I could. Zough I vould prefer to date seriously, dating for fun isn’t entirely out of the question.”

“Then you should find someone! I’ll help!” He’s practically vibrating with excitement.

“Nein. Und calm down, jou’re vorrying me.”

“Sorry,” the Swede grumbles before falling silent. It gives Ludwig an opportunity to listen to his breathing, and feel for his heart rate.


End file.
